JJ's 1st birthday...

This was the absolute highlight of JJ's first birthday, his first, very own, personal birthday cake.

A cupcake!

It was hilarious watching him eat it and try to stay awake, he even fell asleep on it for a second.

That's my boy!

The Great American Tire Fiasco of 2009

My truck is wobbly when I drive.

Real wobbly.

I take it in to Big O today to get it aligned and they find that the tire on my front passenger side tire is almost completely destroyed. Why you ask? Get this:

It's a different size than all of the other tires!!!!!!! Way to go America's Tire Co., nice work..

I got that tire put on by America's Tire a couple months ago. So now with a prayer, and some safe driving, I will have to take it in to get it replaced by them. I won't settle for anything but free of charge.

Then, tomorrow, back to Big O..

Subway

Got subway for lunch today..

Didn't get a cold cut combo because of the sign,
Bologna, salami, ham (All meats are turkey based)

Turkey ham? Sorry, I can't eat turkey that's been MADE to taste and feel like another meat.. that's against my food-religion.

Lyrics that Suck.

Artist: Mims (Mims? wtf?)
Song Title: "This is why I'm hot"
Lyric: "I'm hot cuz I'm fly, you aint cuz you not."

Stop rapping, go back to school.

Artist: T-pain (whenever I hear about T-pain, I always think its a medical term)
Song Title: "Bartender"
Lyric: "Ooh, she made us drinks, to drink"

Really? The bartender made you a drink, "to drink"? So that's what people do with those!
Less time hooking up at the bar, more time hooking up on phonics.

Please feel free to comment on this list, and let me know what the worst lyrics you've heard are! I suddenly feel the need to read a book....

Motivational Posters (not)

Made up some posters today with a new pic of JJ, and an old pic of me and my little brother..

The Secret Menu

The secret menu at In-n-Out Burger only enhances the original menu. Animal style burgers are my favorite. Mustard grilled bun, thousand island-ish spread, pickles, and grilled onions. Well last night my brother Tim and I were headed there for a burger and he reminded me that some In-n-Out's have chopped chili's. Well, I asked the guy in the drive through for them and he was almost excited we asked, "Oh yeah absolutely we have those bro-ham, you want some of those bad boys on your burgers and/or fries!?". Ok, maybe he didn't say all that, but... Oh my GOD were they good. Not green chili's like you would find in an Ortega can, but more like chopped up spicy banana peppers or wax peppers. Put that animal style burger I love into a whole new category of amazingness.

TRY IT! You never know if they have it unless you ask!

Scam Survey

I'm about to lose my mind. You know the surveys on the back of receipts? The ones that say take this survey for a chance to instantly win x amount of dollars? Yeah, it's a lie! I took this damn survey twice now. The dead giveaway that it's a scam is that at the end of all the questions it says "press 1 to leave a message for the manager", "press 2 to leave a message for something else.", "PRESS 9 TO FINISH THIS SURVEY!" When you press 9 it thanks you and then says "unfortunately, you are not this week's instant winner."

Don't most voicemail/phone services like this use "9" as the "end the call" button.. so how in the hell can you instantly win from an automated service? I'm calling bullshit... bullshit indeed. Someone needs to go online to the (referenced by the recorded voice) list of "winners" and track these people down and find out HOW they won and what the automated system did when they supposedly won...

I really think it's a scam to get you to call and give them feedback. I really do...

New Blog Welcome Picture / Ten Random Things

1. Yes, that is a constellation.


2. No, it is not "to scale".


3. MS paint sucks.


4. TGIF


5. Listened to "We built this city" by Starship and it made me realize that ANY song I write will at the least, be better than that song.


6. I either need a haircut or I need to start growing a tail, or maybe a mullet (tullet).

7. Because the saying "for reals" is getting on my nerves, I'm going to try to re-popularize "sho nuff".

8. Think of the worlds best invention, go ahead and take 5 seconds...

9. Sorry, that's incorrect!! The correct answer is the "sandwich". The "sandwich" is what you should have thought of, yeah.. sorry about that, nice try though!

10. This list is stupid, and I apologize to everyone who has read this through completely, if you haven't laughed, well, hopefully this will make up for it:

Shiz..

What if your name was Shiz?

Some dialogue:

"There's the Shiz!"
"Here, this is for Shiz"
"For Shiz?"
"For Shizzle"
"what is she gonna do with these needles?"
"Shiz knits!"

I am...

a drummer with no drums, or a place to play them in if I had some.

a guitarist, unmotivated to play, tempted by the xbox.

a singer, too freightened to sing out in front of people.

a pianist, that doesn't know how to play piano yet.

a musician, who is not making any music.



egh, this is depressing.. screw this.. I am the muther fu**ing WALRUS! COO COO CA CHOO!

WTF?

I'm trying to find something that I can do at work that would be a fun, short distraction from my work. So, its time for the PFL (paper football league). In looking online for how to make paper goal posts.. I found this:

One, this goal post is made out of that toy Knex. Two, dont flick that paper football too hard, you'll take out the small Jesus statue!

WTF?

Movie Reviews

"The curious case of Benjamin Button"

I'm no longer curious about the case of Benjamin Button. In fact, I'm more curious what I can spend 2 and a half hours doing that will make up for the time I wasted watching that movie. The movie wasn't good. It left me with no feelings at all. I was only halfway grabbed by the cinematography, scenery, and elegance this movie promised to deliver, not nearly enough to digest the amount of symbolism painted acrossed almost every frame. I give it one star... :P

"Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay"

It's a stoner movie. I'm not reviewing this. Actually, the dialogue between the two main characters in this movie was funny the first go around. In this sequel it's more of the same slapstick humor with a sprinkling of racist humor and a little bit of Neil Patrick Harris completely making fun of himself (which I love) thrown in the mix. I really don't remember much of it. Anyone my age watching this movie, probably doesn't remember it. Do any of the older generations remember watching the Cheech and Chong movies? Probably not.. you probably just remember waking up with stomach pain, from eating and laughing. I'm not going to rate this movie.. but I'm going to give the spaghetti pie I made last night 4 stars... ;)

BBQ Shicken!

I have a new "all-time" marinade for bbq chicken.

big bag
8 or 9 pieces of chicken (any parts)
1 lemon (juiced and throw the lemons in the bag)
paprika, Italian seasoning, salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, olive oil, allspice.

This with Sweet Baby Ray's bbq sauce off the grill was like "smack my ass and call me Bernice!" good... mmm.. beer, bbq, pool, great weather... Don't forget, grill the chicken, then add the bbq sauce and put the chicken off of the hot part of the grill and let it bake with the sauce.. yum!

Slogan.

I came up with a slogan a couple weeks ago. Not sure if it's been used yet. I've searched on Google and found no matches. It's in the style of "Save a horse, ride a cowboy." Only mine (of course) is much more vulgar. Ready? Ok, here it is:

"Save a razor, ride a mustache."

Hahaha.. I love me.

Haikoolaid.

Stress is like a maze
Most don't know how to get out
This cheese tastes so good

Dear Madam Glambert,

Stop screaming.

Sincerely,
Everyone with ears.

Food, lies, and a free chicken sandwich.

Working out every Monday, Wednesday, Friday in the office gym. Lifting weights, focusing on arms and rotator cuffs and shoulders. Sticking to the plan, not skipping a session, even when work is busy.


Now to my problem.


I have some kind of obsession with fast food commercials, I critique them. I yell at them. I try to figure out if the offer is a good deal or some scheme or rip-off. Pausing live T.V. to look over the picture like a crime-scene investigator looking for a vital clue. Somehow they make something (usually) mediocre, look delicious.

Guess what? You too could have a career as a "food stylist" (in English that translates to 'liar').
http://www.culinaryschools.com/being-a-food-stylist

My new frustration is the AMPM chicken sandwich. In the commercial they're doing something tricky with the bottom bun, it looks much longer than the top. Maybe to make it look bigger? I will have to get one and do a side by side photo comparison for you, screen shot of the commercial vs. the actual sandwich. Did I mention I have a problem?

In researching this further I just found out that tomorrow 5/20/09 is free chicken sandwich day at AMPM. Oh, it's on, you little clucker.
http://timblair.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!B71A619F97F176BD!194100.entry

Don't even get me started on Carl's Jr. commercials. The most crisp, perfect, 1 ft. tall burger depicted in the commercial is in reality a pile of saucy mush. If it doesn't live up to the advertisement, it doesn't belong in my face. I mean, they aren't bad, but they're no Double-Double (animal style).

I guess I should be the fast food hero, and warn society (or my 2 readers) about these misleading tricks fast food ad's use. Problem is, I don't like fast food. At all. In fact, I'm not even a big fan of restaurant food. I like good old-fashioned home cookin'.

I think I just found my blog calling.

Sausage Fest 2009

Sausage... Just saying the word causes my mind to flood with visions of sizzling intestinal casings filled with processed meats and spices ready to burst with the fatty juice that can only be described as "heart attack juice". Back in April, 2009, I was invited to my girlfriend's uncle Pete's dairy to take part in a tradition that I don't think I'll ever forget. I mean, how often are you approached with the option of making large quantities of homemade Italian sausage? This was my first time in 29 years so I'd say its pretty darn rare.


We arrived on Sunday, which I learned later was actually the second day of the event. Saturday was butchering day, which I wish I could have been a part of. Walking up to the old wooden structure (not sure what the room is really used for) I could smell a lot of recognizable scents. The smell of raw meat, wine, and very aromatic spices (clove, cinnamon, etc.) filled the entire space. The tying of the sausage links had already begun. I watched for a minute or two to see what I was in store for..







Yes, I'm making that ridiculous face on purpose.




To my right is my girlfriend's dad, Bill, who is familiar to this tradition (done this since he was a kid). He got me started by teaching me the initial "loop tie" to tie off the end of the sausage link, leaving a loop of string for hanging the sausage (some of the sausage is hung to dry almost like salami). The rope was soaked in water and small sticks were attached to a power drill to quickly wrap the rope onto the stick. Then, holding the stick in one hand, you cinch tie the links together (trying not to pop the casing). Sounds easy but it takes getting used to, after about 3 practice links, I pretty much had the technique down.

The day turned out to be a lot of fun, and even though I didn't get any pictures of the fantastic meal that was provided to all of us, I will have to comment on a few things. The sausage that was cooked up was FANTASTIC. Also, the mashed potato's were heaven in pan. There was so much butter in it that you could almost call it "mashed potato scampi", plus the fact that since we were at a dairy, I'm sure there was REAL milk used. I'm really glad I decided to go on this little adventure and hope that next year I'll be there again.

These two pictures are of the breakfast sausage casings, and also the breakfast sausage meat mixture inside the mixer.

The gift. (4/30/09)

The day was like any other, find a problem, fix it, rinse and repeat. However, this day was particularly rewarding as later in the day it's always fun to find ironic or hilarious things to discuss with my coworkers.

For re-organizing our drive that archives our mailed and faxed letters to the members of my health insurance company, I was rewarded with a gift from my supervisor.


Here it is:


Behold, the "Wild Time, Mini Spinner". Equipped with lights, vibration, and fits in the palm of your hand. Sorry, but I just couldn't help but have a dirty mind when I received this. This! Go ahead, look at it again, I'll wait...



So, do a good job at work, and you too could be the employee that's rewarded with an obviously adult toy that's been re-packaged just in time to be a dollar store easter bargain.

Inside the folded paper logo is a list of warnings. One such warning is "The supply terminals are not to be short circuted". I'm no electrician, but I don't know what a supply terminal is, nor would I know how to short it once I located it.

I'm sure this is just the beginning of many more rediculous "prizes" I will be rewarded with as time goes by. Stay tuned.......

Sweetheart

On Saturday 4/4/09 my grandma Sara had a mild heart attack. She hasn't been doing too well health wise but you wouldn't know it just talking to her. She's the sweetest woman alive. She spoiled me rotten when I lived in Sacramento growing up. She moved back to South Carolina years ago and the last time I went to visit I was 10, and flew by myself. It was definitely an adventure for me, especially since the man I sat next to on the flight back home said "hey kid, want to see something cool?" and here I'm thinking now as an adult that back then an alarm should have gone off. I should have maybe been equipped with a rape whistle (Mom!). The guy had a shiny briefcase that he slid out from the seat in front of him. It was huge, and somewhat reminiscent of the case I use to carry my old Xbox around in, only more serious. The briefcase, although space-age looking itself, was nothing compared to what was inside. Moon rocks people, real, moon rocks. My eyes were about as big and bright as the moon itself. I think the look on my face would have been that of finding something important you lost, forgot about, and stumbled upon years later. That was one of the most memorable things ever to me, especially on a flight.

That trip was so much fun, the beach being down the street from my grandma's house, almost setting the house on fire with the aerial firework assortment my grandma bought me from the black cat outlet, and going to a water park and doing the slides by myself while it was cloudy and dreary outside. One of the weirdest trips and most fun I've ever had. Not to forget Uncle Burke's fried chicken and the copious amounts of pimento cheese I ate. If you've never had pimento cheese, I feel bad for you. Don't go buy it in the store pre-made just because Joe told you you can't die without a taste either. Buy a jar of pimento's which should be in your grocery store near the olives and some sharp cheddar cheese. Get your Cuisinart out and add a 1/2 cup of mayo, cup of cheese, and a jar of pimentos (without the juice, maybe a little if you need to thin the mixture out). That’s it! Once you get the consistency right, you will have the one and only recipe featured in the cookbook "How to gain inches and become a fatty."

My mom and brother are driving to South Carolina to visit for a week or so. I think they will be in Atlanta, GA tonight. I miss my family out there, dearly, and I hope and pray every day that my grandma is doing better so that when I can get the time and money to visit, she can meet her great grandson.

The JJ-ness..

I'ts been almost two and a half years since I've posted anything on this blog, and a lot has happened since I was fishing in Houston Lake every day in between runs on the ambulance. I'm sure that I will tell most of that story (and others) in time through these blogs.. but it's a big undertaking and it's full of some serious drama.

Today, to get back into the swing of blogging, I'd like to write about the best thing that's ever happened to me. Eight months ago my son was born..

Tadaaaaaaaa!

He is really the most amazing baby ever. I know a lot of parents say this, and rightfully so, it's their child! But my son, James Joseph (named after my dad, and is also a fifth) is so incredibly calm and cool. I'm a firm believer now that if you are a calm easy going person, your baby will pick up on that. If you are a total crackhead, well, you are probably one of those parents we see on the news getting arrested for crate-training a 2 year old. If you aren't a parent, or a soon to be parent, just know that your life will be impacted greatly. If you are a positive, optimistic, loving person, it will most likely brighten your life to the point that you never thought existed. If you are a pessimistic Patti, negative Nancy, or angry Agatha, you will probably be more pissed about the fact that you won't be able to drink for nine months. Don't worry trashy Tina, you will be able to party like its 1999 soon enough.

This is the most recent shot of JJ. This was at Gramma Janet and Grampa Jim's house (my mom and dad). They were taking him around the backyard like it was a ride in his stroller (now I know why I'm so much fun). So adorable. He's got about 6 teeth showing now and he's starting to get really vocal. He's crawling all over the house, and this last weekend he pulled himself to standing. It's funny how he will constantly surprise me. Not that he is doing anything sooner than he should, but that he learns, he mimics Erin and I and it's hilarious. It really is true what they say no matter how much you think it may not happen to you, loving a child is a different kind of love. I love him more than I've loved anything in my whole life.